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I dont understand how things got so confusing. You find out something that you thought would be a big deal, and then you push it in the back of your mind. You try to erase, and it seems as if its disappearing and then something triggers it. There you are back into the sinking depression of the thought that caused all of this. You want to end it and it seems so simple. But its not. The what ifs are always running throughtout your mind. You dont want to miss out on something, but one thing blocks it. Then again you dont want to miss out on the other journey, because you never know when its gonna happen again. This could be the last. The could be the best. You dont want to lose it. But its hard. Its always going to be hard, but maybe thats why you want it so badly. The thought that if its gone it will probably never be back. And if it is back will it be the same? I cant get rid of this horrible feeling mixed with the amazing feeling. Its up and down all the time. But i dont think i want to let it go.