grades

i wish the highschool grading scale was like the ones at occ. 90-100 is an A. 80-89 is a B and so forth. If so, i would probably always make AB honor roll. Since its not i have only made AB honor roll once in high school, and that was this year somehow. I need to do better i guess, cuz right now i have 2 C's and i dont like C's at allllll. My kids will not make C's hopefully, im not going to ground them if they do, but i will reward them if they dont. I wish i got 100 dollars for my AB honor roll lol, gabby did and it ticked me off. hah

laptops.

salkdjksad my aunt is making my limit 1000 for a laptop. I dont know wheter i should get a sony vaio, a hp pavillion, or a toshiba. Im pretty sure im going to get the toshiba, its has alot of memory and battery life is way longer. Its really pretty and light and thin. There is one hp that is like a tablet and its touchscreen, but its 999 dollars and i dont want to push it. plus i would probably break it, knowing me. Im just getting the nicest fastest laptop i can, i guess. idkdjsalkdjsalkf

SPRING...

i wish it would just stay warm outside. One day its warm and sunny and amazing outside, and then the next its rainy, or windy. i cant stand weather like that, i want it to be warm alllllll the time. I could never live in New York, when we go there for the summer, its still a little chilly, i cant wear shorts at night or early in the morning, cuz ill shiver the whole time. Take today for example on crappy weather, its sunny when you look outside so you wear a short sleeve shirt, then you walk about the door, and the wind blows your hair to another dimension, and you get very cold. Then you have to go back in the house to get a jacket, even though you already locked the annoying door, that is completly hard to unlock. Then your running late to occ, because today decided to be windy. I hate being late.

senior year.

I think i have hit senioritis. Idk i just dont wake up early anymore, although i have to now to go to the YMCA with my mom. I do all my work, but i do it at the last minute possible. Senior year is almost over. Im graduating in 2 months and about 5 days. Its crazy, i wish it will still junior year sometimes, so i could just stay here a little longer, even though im deff ready to get outttt. I feel like everything has gone by so fast, and hopefully the next 6 years of my life do to. im ready to have a good job and support people i love, or am i. idk i just think im trying to think of what will happen, when i should be thinking of what is happening. Thats what i should do, but my mind doesnt really let me sometimes.

EKU

Im going to be almost 4 hours from home. Thats a super long drive if you think about it, actually i guess if you truly think about it, its not that far. But for me to be 4 hours away from my family is a little trippy. I want to be able to drive down the street and be home with my family and eat dinner every night and rent movies. But i wont be, ill be in richmond with some crazy people i dont know getting the degree i need to be a nurse practioner. Then i will come back here after 6 years of learning and have a nice house with my husband and after 2 years when im 26 i will have my first kid, that will hopefully be a boy, and then 2 years later i will maybe have a girl. idk thats how my life is supposed to turn out, and hopefully it gets there.

Paranoid.

I have a problem with staying in a dorm room with someone ive never met before. This girl could be a psychopath, and want to murder me. She could steal all my clothes and jewelry and what not. She could stand over me while i sleep and make videos of me when i dont know. I might be a paranoid schizphrenic, i doubt it. but foreal i mean whose to say she wont be crazy, or whose to say she might end up being one of my best friends. idk hopefully i dont get beat up, or mugged, cuz that would suck majorly.

scholarship thing.

i went to Owensboro Christian Church a few saturdays ago to try out for a scholarship. You have to sing or play an instrument or whatever. I sang, they said i did really good, and their was no vocal issues, and i was cute, but they dont see me in front of a big audience because i was too scared. Of course im freaking scared, my legs were shaking and i couldnt even look at them. They are there to JUDGE, so yeah im deff scared to be judged. Anyways i left there feeling better, because even though i didnt win anything, i got good critics and i knew i did something i probably would have never done. It justs makes you feel a little better about your self.

soo..

i could have done these blogs 3 days ago, and already be done. Plus i would have extra credit. I dont know why i didnt do them, i had plenty of time, we had a week notice and i still didnt do them. Thats pretty stupid on my part, so i guess i need to do them know before i forget again, and dont do them. Its a pretty easy assignment so i dont understand why i dont do them. I guess sometimes i have a mental block about what to write about, and dont want to write about something pointless. I guess im going to have to from know on, and then when something pops up write about that too.

HERE

I am scared of what is coming
and scared of what may be
i am scared of all the choices
that will always follow me
i am worried of what love is
and if it is really true
i am aggravated by all the questions
and i am ticked off from the fears
i just want to know if i leave
when i come back will you be here

FUTURE

I have ruined my life with the choices ive made
i have tried to change it but i cannot be saved
i know what i did
if only i could have seen what i had in you
i need to realize nothing
is always perfect
and the people you love are more than worth it
you have to be strong and learn on your own
to really be sure of where you belong
i am stuck with feelings i cannot control
and filled with emotion i guess ill never know

HOW

How can people cheat on others
how do you live in sin
how can you look them in the eyes
and lie over and over again
how do you not feel guilt
how can you still be sain
how can you truly love them
and not care about their pain.

DON’T KNOW

I dont know what i am doing
i dont know what i want
i cant figure out the future
its always what ifs, and buts
i need to make myself happy
i need to choose the right choice
the problem is i dont know
i need to listen to my hearts voice

lovee

when your in love with someone, like truly in love, you shouldnt worry about what will happen or what has happened. If you together now, thats all that should matter. I always worry about the dumbest things, and things that arent even going to happen anytime soon. If you love someone dont do that, it will ruin it. Be happy for now, hang out with YOUR friends, and theirs, give them space and TRUST them. and everything will be good.

lifesabout

im tired of never knowing
im tired of all the doubt
im tired of worrying about every detail
and still not knowing what lifes about
i need to become a better person
i need to forget all the pain
i need to make the best choices
so love will always remain
i hope i can forgive him
i hope i can be strong
i hope i can see he lvoes me
like he has all along
i know im at the beginning
and i dont have to figure it all out
but maybe thats the answer
maybe thats what lifes all about

djsalkf

If you think to much about what could go wrong
then how would you know where you truly belong
remember all the happy moments
since those are what get you through
remember the ones you love you
cuz they will always be there for you too

no matter

no matter how strong you are
no matter how hard you try
your life could fade away
in the blink of an eye
dont try to plan your life
just let it go
it will lead you in the right direction
you just have to learn to follow

chorus

i got a solo in chorus. its exciting for me, cuz im not able to just get in front of people and sing, but i did it. it might not have been that great, but whatever. its a song from the lion king which is kinda corny for a high school chorus but its a good song anyhow. im probably gonna pass out when i get up there. or throw up. hopefully ill pass out, or neither.

college

im scared to death to go to college, i shouldnt be because im going with brent and i know im with someone while im there. but just the thought of being 3 hours away from home is scary to me. i want to be able to come home whenever if something bad happens. i know going to a good school and getting out of owensboro for a while to travel is good for me. im just scared of what may happen while im gone. i need to stop being so afraid and grow up. i want to travel i just dont know how far i could be from my family. idk im excited for college, and excited to be with brent. hopefully nothing goes from with my life at college or my life at home.

kdjaslkj

It funny how people are changing from year to year. Values and morales have gone down hill. Im not saying that im like perfect and dont do anything wrong. But some people make some of the worst decisions and never learn from them. People think its cool to have relationships with 50 different people but its not. like yeah have some boyfriends in your life but dont take them to far.

fjdsalkfjsdlkg

i know that its different now
and i know i wont get hurt anymore
im tired of all the heartache
i just want to believe youu
let into hope
let into dreams
let it all go
keep it the same
i know theres a love between us
but i have to forget the past
today i am starting new
nothing but loving you
the flaws, mistakes, and all the tears
nothing more that i should fearr.

social.

i dont understand people that can only hang out with a certain crowd. I might be a little shy if i dont know you, but i will talk to anyone. The only people i would not get along with is people who think they are better just because they have more money or better grades. Everyone has their flaws and everyone has something they are better at then someone else. but we dont have to segregate ourselves from people that are different. Diversity is what makes life interesting. If you only have one group of friends and you dont talk to people that you think are wierd, or stupid then thats even more stupid. Dont be stuck up, be social.

luck.karma.

I dont really believe in superstitions and bad luck. I do believe in karma though. I think that if you do something unkind to someone then i think that something will come back and hurt you worse. Not in the form of a person, but in the idea of you having a horrible week such as getting something very valuable stolen or losing a friend. Bad luck is just stupid, you cant base your luck on things that have happened. There is no such thing as luck, its all percentages and gambles. either you win or you lose. Luck does not win you a soccer game or a fighting match, its talent and hardwork. Some people think its lucky to win at card games or lottery tickets, but its not, its just getting the right cards or ticket.